A new year...a continued start...

So it is now 2011 and I have lots of things going on in my mind... Resolutions, plans, people, work.....it's just scattered all over the place! My over all resolution is to continue this weight loss journey as far as I can take it. I want to be a whole new person by this time next year....I also want to quit smoking..its nasty and of course, bad for you.

I am happier that I decided to lose weight BEFORE the new year because it gives me a huge head start on what I want to achieve. Now, instead of looking at nearly 150 lbs to lose in 2011, I only have 95 (ish) to go! That's under 100!!!! I CAN and WILL do this for me....

Let's hear it for the new year!!!

Rachel

Over the Moon!

Soo000o0o0o it's been a little bit since I last updated...figured it was time!
Since the last time I wrote not ONLY have I broke into the 200's, but I also fit into my first pair of goal jeans!!!!! When I first bought them I couldn't even get them up over my thighs much less my tummy and NOW they fit!!!!! How's that for motivation? I do wish it would come off quicker, but I'm slowly seeing the change. I want to make 2011 the year for a new me! yay!

On a side note...I hate men.. I mean really... not only are they confusing, but I hate being treated like crap just because they are having a bad day.....ugh...one day when i'm hot and sexy i'll show them! :)

Rachel

Cha-cha-cha-changes!

So I know that keeping mentally strong during weight loss is hard, but I have noticed that as the time goes by it becomes easier. I don't feel as horrible when I go eat with someone and they are stuffing their faces while I am munching on rabbit food. It doesn't affect me like it used to... (least for the time being.) Before, I would either resent them, or I would binge (then purge) but it is now just becoming natural to choose the healthier option! I mean sure, there are times that I want to eat a huge helping of cheese enchiladas, but I can limit myself now...that is a huge accomplishment because, as we all know, 'dieting' is a way of life... its about a life style change! 'Eat to live, not live to eat.'

I am officially 4 lbs away from meeting my first huge goal of 50 lbs by the end of the year! 4LBS!!!! I can totally do this! I have like 2 and 1/2 weeks left of this month, so I just gotta keep on trucking! I haven't been in the 200 range in a few years now, so it will be nice to have that motivation.... 50 lbs in 3 months is a lot, and it probably won't go that fast again, but hey, who knows?

I did awesome on Thanksgiving with the food, so lets hope for a repeat at Christmas y'all!

Rachel Janelle

Updated Pictures!

So since it's been a little while, I thought I would post some progress pics!!!

The picture on the left is when I started Oct. 2nd 2010. The one on the right was today! Exactly (ish) 2 months and 43 lbs later!!

So since I am finally starting to feel and SEE a difference, I figured it was time to go ahead and re-set my goals a little bit.... The last time I made my 'goal' list I was wrong about my weight...soooooo here goes...

**December Goal- To finally break into the 200's. I am sooo close...

**January Goal- I have an event in the middle of the month so I would really love to look and feel amazing for it. I just want to look good and lose another 15 lbs or so.

**February Goal- Since this is my birthday month, I would really like to be around 275. Even thought 275 is still big, I will look a lot better just from seeing my current picture. Working out really does it!

***ULTIMATE GOAL!***

I would love to be around 200 lbs by this summer. I'm thinking later summer sounds more acheiveable, but the earlier the better. I want to buy a new swimsuit and float the river comfortably. I also want to take some kind of mini trip by myself for my birthday if possible, and I just wanna feel great about it. I want to be able to buy any clothes I want right off the rack instead of having to buy special sizes.. I want to feel AMAZING on stage like I used to. I wanna rock it out!

Within Reach....

So I am now less than 10 lbs away from meeting my first huge goal of getting below 300 lbs. 10 LBS!!!! My goal for November was to be under 300, but that was before I knew my ACTUAL weight...Now it's my December goal and totally doable..Can't believe I'm actually doing it! It may be taking a lot longer than my pre-baby dieting, but damn it, I can do it! 10 lbs.....

So yeah! Lots of exciting events coming within the next few months..I wanna look and feel my best.. Lets hope for the best!

Rachel

Here we go yet AGAIN!

I'm super depressed. Might be getting a divorce....kids...schedules....work...fat...holidays..it's just unbearable at times! I managed to only gain like a pound on Thanksgiving, but that's still a pound I shouldn't have gained....I honest to God barely ate anything! I stayed away from the breads and desserts like they were the plague! I'm just so close to finally being under 300 that I am getting frustrated with myself..

GET IT TOGETHER RACHEL!!!! YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!!!!!!!

its been awhile....

So the food holiday is over and I actually did ok! I ate what I wanted, just small amounts and left out desserts. Lol. Hopefully nothing shows on the scale. >:@ anyways.... im actually almost to the 40 lb mark so im happy. Bad stuff going on at home, but I think i'll survive. At least the weight part! :S

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I mean seriously....

O.K. it is official. I have too much stress and not enough strength in my life...

First... my diet. I battle this eating disorder daily. It is so hard to not just binge and purge all the time. My husband and family doesn't understand it is a problem so they just freak out about it....I'm stressed because I want to be thin and healthy, it's just hard work! lol. I wish I could feel o.k. with my body and get over this disorder.

Second....my job. I'm ready for a change. There is too much walking on egg shells around here..too much drama for me.. I need out. I was meant for different work anyway, but when you have two kids to raise there is no alternatives...*sigh* God, what was I thinking..

Third....everything else. I'm just constantly stressed out. All there is too it. Every little thing kills me.

Forth....my husband... we haven't been getting along for awhile and we just can't see eye to eye.. He doesn't understand why i'm upset when the house isn't clean or the kids aren't tended too..it kills me every single day....

I need a prayer..and some hope..and a new body.....

Glimpse in the Mirror..

So I figured I should tell a little about me and why I am the way I am....here goes!

I grew up in an awesome home. My parents were pretty much the best that you could have in a set. We never lacked for anything, and there was plenty of love around me.
When I was about 14 my grandmother died of a painful cancer trip. As a 14 year old it was super hard for me... at this point, I had always been over weight, but it really started getting to me. I watched as she got sicker and sicker until she finally passed.. This was one of the HARDEST times in my life. I was super close to her, and to lose her made me feel ultimately alone and frail.
It was at this point I started really gaining weight and getting depressed. I started cutting myself, taking pills, and just engaging in horrible things. I never really came out of this cycle.

When I was 17 I got really obsessed with my weight. I was like 290 at this point and was tired of it. My mother, who was always concerned, rode me constantly about my weight and I finally decided life would be better on the skinny side. I developed the bulemia/anorexia disorder and dropped 90 lbs in like 4 months. At the end of it is when I lost my gall bladder because of it, and was so scared of being in the hospital again that I gained it all back plus a bunch more....This was hard for me. I had went from super small and happy, to big and fat again....
During this phase I got married to my first husband who was horrible. He was an alcoholic and we just didn't mix. He lied, I think he cheated, and it was just one big mess. After about a year of the crap I met James and got pregnant. I was still legally married to the first, but going through the divorce. James and I ended up splitting up due to hormonal reasons, and I had my daughter without him for the first year. This was another time I gained weight...
During this time, I also found out my mom was sick. I think this contributed to a bunch of my gain and depression as well. Ugh. One big mess...

When our daughter was about 9 months old we got back together and have been O.K. since. About 6 months after that I decided to lose weight again. I was at the 350lb mark and ended up losing almost 100lbs once again. I felt great, but to me in my mind it wasn't coming off fast enough and I started purging randomly again. Not near like I had, but some is too much. Shortly after that I got pregnant again and the diet was over. I ended up gaining almost all my weight back...

This is where we are now. I started at 350 lbs and this will be the last time I see it. I hate being this big, and my confidence suffers because of it. I don't wanna be on stage because i'm huge, I don't wanna go out because i'm huge....i'm just tired of it. I'm tired of the stares, the constant ridicule, and the everlonging fate looming if I don't get healthy...its tragic.

As far as where I've come from, i'm doing better. I got on an eliptical this morning at 6 am for 30 mins straight! That's awesome for me at this weight! Hopefully I can keep this motivation and momentum up to carry me where I wanna go. My ultimate goal is to have the confidence to start my OWN band and feel comfortable on stage again. I wanna be able to buy the clothes I wanna buy instead of just what fits... I wanna get on a plane and feel happy with one seat. I want to be able to run with my children, or even run my first marathon! I just wanna be normal.....

ugh..willpower..

So this trip is over..and it was all around horrible.. Between the fights, ignorant drunks, and food I am pretty much at a loss. The day started promising, but ended up crappy within a couple hours...here's the food breakdown...

Day 1
4 strips of bacon
2 eggs/hard yoke
12oz ribeye with A1
Ceasar Salad w/crutons
4 dinner rolls w/sweet butter
Mashed potatoes/white gravey
Philly Cheesesteak Omelet
Hashbrowns with ketchup
Biscuit and gravy

Day 2
2 cheese enchiladas w/ lettuce/tomatoe/onion and sauce
Chips and LOTS of salsa
1 bag of rice cakes
Large cup of coffee with sweetner and creamer

I mean really? Seeing that written out is scary. Look at all that food! Ugh. Thats probably at least good for a couple pounds, but I think as long as I get right back on track today I will be better. I really REALLY wanna lose another 20 lbs by Christmas....and even more by January because I'm determined to get back onstage and rock it out!

Rachel Janelle

Stuck in the middle with you....

Ever since my little episode with the scale it has been super hard to stay on track. I've done it to the best of my ability, but it has sucked.. I'm working out occasionally, eating very restrictive, and yet nothing moves. I'm thinking I am stuck on a plateau or something. All I know is that it super sucks.... I wanna see results!
All this time I thought I had lost a substantial amount, only to find out it wasn't really even half of what I originally thought. I'm not changing my weight loss ticker because it would not only look like I gained weight, but eventually I hope to be there soon. All I can do is keep going I guess.

I definitely feel like I am better, but man, those numbers kill me! I have major scale anxiety and I can't help it!
Hopefully when more results start coming I will see a bigger difference....

I wish I could be addicted to a calorie free food... I would eat it and eat it and lose weight all over the place because it would take more calories to digest than what the food is. Only problem is, celery is about the only food that does that...boo celery...

Trip is tomorrow...Let's hope for a good time, lots of money, and healthy eating... Wouldn't it be great if our hotel had a built in gym area!!!!! That would be absolutely amazing! Here's to hoping!!!

Rachel Janelle

Continue on....

Not much has went on since the last post, but I am mighty bored at work so I thought i'd better blog instead of eat! A couple friends and myself are going to hit up the gym in the early am, so hopefully I will sleep good once I hit the sack. Wishful thinking, but I can dream right? *zzZZzZ*

Anyways, we are now down to 4 days before the trip. I am mentally preparing myself now. We always seem to eat at the best and yummiest resteraunts EVER when we go on a trip. I used to looooooove <3 to eat at Hooters when we go, because we do not have one here where I live. Hooters food is by FAR some of the fattiest food I have ever come across. *mental note...avoid Hooters at all cost* LOL

There you have it. A short blog, but at least it kept me occupied for a little bit. Cheers!

Rachel Janelle

The Countdown...

So we are going to see how good I can do with temptation.... 5 days away from my trip to Springfield...I really wanna get down as low as I can before then, because I will be getting on the stage for the first time in awhile.. (well, I was onstage for 1 song about a month ago, but this is a little different) Anyways, 5 days to restrict the best I can.....

I'm really interested to see my current weight. I don't have a working/accurate scale right now, so maybe it's better that way. I dunno...I'd like to see if i'm doing something right or wrong, but guess for now I will just have to wait and see....

I bought a new pair of jeans the other day that I THOUGHT would fit me....but they didn't... probably 30 more lbs gone and they will. I hate how some things can be the same size, but fit completely different. Ugh! They will be my goal jeans for now I guess. Might as well make the best of it right?

Rachel Janelle

Check this motivation out!

So I stumbled across this awesome site where you can see virtual weight loss!!!!

<--------That is what i'd look like 120 lbs less than where I started! Cool huh? How's THAT for motivation????

Back on the saddle again...

OOOOOO.K. So...the last week or so has been a cluster f**k of craziness. My incident with the scale,  poor eating, a sick baby......ugh, insane... However, even though I haven't eaten AS healthy as I could have, at least I didn't go overboard...
I've mainly stayed below my 1200 calories a day, except for MAYBE last night. The husband and I went out on our first dinner date in FOREVER! I had a ceaser salad, and a nice ribeye steak and O.M.G. was it amazing! I steered clear of all the fries except for 3 (which considering what I USED to eat..this is amazing..).

I ended up taking that electronic scale back. Not because of the incident, but because it didn't work. It was stuck only measuring in KG no matter if you put it on KG or LB. I didn't wanna mess with it. It has already pissed me off enough. LOL.

I plan on getting super back on track today. I have a trip coming up on the 13th where I know I will be asked to sing onstage. I want to feel as good as I can for where I am right now. Hopefully in the week I have to lose it, I will have lost at least another 5 lbs or so...more could be nice! :D :D I can only hope...AND put out the effort.

Well, that's all I have for today. Here is looking forward to a better week!

Rachel Janelle

What a downer....

Super upset today. Apparently my broken scale WAS decieving me....

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maybe a victory?

So kind of a funny story.....

When I broke down and bought a scale I bought a cheap one because I was broke. I got it home, weighed, and like 3 days later it broke. Talk about feeling fat! Anyways, we got it fixed to where it was reading right again, and its been ok. Today I got on it and it says im under 300!!!! I was super excited till I started telling myself ' maybe its broke again' lol! I decided before I celebrate im going to buy a new one later. =)

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GOALS!!!

So Halloween is over, and a new month is upon me. I have decided to set some goals out here for me so I can hopefully see some more progress!!!

November goal- I break into the 200's!
November goal- lose 20 lbs
December goal- 20lbs
January goal- lose 20 lbs
February goal- My birthday month I would like to lose around 20 lbs and buy myself a cute new outfit for the occassion and trip!

Hopefully these are achieveable.. I really hope so. Here's to commitment!

40 lbs lost!!

I'm up to 40 pounds lost now!!! WOOT!

Octobers Results!

So....just thought i'd post Octobers results and pictures to update ya....
35 lbs lost!!!!

And here are the pics to prove it...

trying. ..

Its been a better week. I feel a little more confident. I'm starting a gym tomorrow and bought me a new pair of sketchers shape ups so wish me luck!!

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Strange days.....

Its been an odd week for my eating. I've had the same type of salad everyday for almost a week. Just can't seem to get enough. Been sick. Sick kids. Just done already.....

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Oh-La-La!

So this last week I have been unmotivated. I've had such a hard time staying away from bad foods, and ontop of it...I broke my brand new scale...:( I dunno if it was from my weight, or if I stepped on it wrong but it still broke. The bad part is, while it was breaking, it said that I gained 10 lbs. Now, this can't be possible, but it still made me so super upset that I almost lost it.

The last couple days have been a little better though. I have been trying to work out, and I've been eating a salad from Mazzios! Granted, it has ranch, but I keep the ranch in a cup and dip my salad. At least that way, it's a few less calories. I look at it like this, I can't deprive myself of ALL things good or I WILL fail. This way, I'm getting my salad and calories for taste. Hopefully it helps....

I've been super stressed lately as well. Between new phone contracts, work, money, family, and kids I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. I really need some new motivation.....The new jeans I bought are still size 26...even with the 20lbs *ish* gone, I am still huge.....ugh..I hate this stuff for real....

As everyone sits at work eating away on their Taco Bell tonight, I will be having a Slim-Fast.....*sigh* I am trying to tell myself that all these small people don't have an eating disorder and I do, so they are allowed to eat what they want, when they want...even if it's in front of me. Gotta learn to avoid!

*sigh*

I feel like nothing I do matters. It's not coming off and im at a loss. I need some major motivation right about now. *sigh*

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New Day

Not doing so well. That is all....

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Shopping For The WEAK Hearted...

ugh... so much stress and just b.s. lately! I had to get a new phone today..Now, granted down grading from my Iphone to a regular phone will save us a lot of money, but it still sucks. Will take some getting used to for sure....*sigh* Oh well...

I had an issue with food the last few days. Last night, all I wanted was a greasy meal from Taco Bell...and I gave in.. It was insane. That first bite tasted like PURE sodium. It was such a strange feeling knowing that I used to eat like that so much everyday, that I didn't even notice the salt. Well, needless to say, my body rejected the whole meal and it came out with vengance....
The next day was a repeat. I figured since I didn't get my craving food digested I'd try it again...nope. Body let it out again. Maybe that's a good thing. If I could stop the cravings I would be O.K. I just want to hate food so much that I lose weight....man, wish it were easier. Wish you could abstain from food all together... *sigh*

Tomorrow will be better. I have to stop this. This pattern is what gets me into trouble. I can't go backwards... 20 lbs is no small feat, but I have a ton to go still.
Clothes shopping today about killed me.....I looked horrible even WITH the weight loss..... ugh....

Hmmmmm....

Not sure if I should qualify today as a good eating day. I mean I definitely made better choices than I used to, but not sure if it was great....Here is the low down..

Breakfast-Egg white omelet sandwitch from Subway on wheat bread/no cheese/lots of veggies and fat free honey mustand dressing

Lunch-Turkey breast sandwitch from Subway on wheat bread/no chesse/lots of veggies/fat free honey mustard

Dinner-Grilled chicken salad from Carls Jr. Balsamic vinigrette dressing

Hm...probably around 1000 calories for the day...better than a whopping burger with fries....mmMMmmMM *dreams*

Lack of sleep the last couple days is finally getting to me as well. I have been busy helping with this thing for work, and have barely had time to rest with it and work going round the clock...Not a good thing...

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow will be fun!

Obstacles...

So it's finally happening. I am craving my normal bad foods! I don't know if it was the fact I was at my fav. mexican resteraunt the other day that sparked it, or the fact I'm an idiot who sat and watch and entire show about fried foods! Ugh! I mean in a way, I know that I HAVE to lose this weight and be healthy....but in another way, I keep saying to myself 'whats the point?' I want to be healthy, and I know I am for the most part, but I am just tired of being fat. On the same note, I don't want to live my life forever wanting something that is 'forbidden' or 'off limits' to me. What a paradox...Isn't it sad that when you have an eating disorder EVERYTHING revolves around food? *sigh*

I'm also having huge money issues as of lately. It seems that there is never enough and things just keep piling up. I'm at a loss on what to do. I have a full-time job, but I don't want to be there half the time to make the money I need to. I know that sounds stupid because most people don't wanna be at work, but at my job we HAVE to option to leave early if we want too...kinda sucks to have that temptation..

Overall, I have done well lately. I am going to invest in a scale tomorrow to see what my results have been so far. I'm both nervous and excited. I'm more nervous because I feel that if I haven't reached a certain number by now, I will just give up and give in. I can't do that really, but I know myself....

On a side note...THIS made my day!!

I'll let you all know how the weigh in goes!! Cross those fingers!!

An Epiphany....

O.K. maybe not an epiphany, but still....

The last few days have been a little stressful, but I really think that not only is my body chaning, but my mind as well. I used to get soooo discouraged when I was 'dieting' and would slip off the wagon a little bit. I would think to myself 'oh well, you messed up, it's over...'

Today, I went to lunch with my mom who refused to eat anywhere other than our favorite resteraunt. This resteraunt happens to be a Mexican resteraunt with the BEST chips, salsa, and white dip around! *seriously amazing!* I started getting so scared about falling off the wagon. Instead, I ordered a small side salad, and only had one helping of the chips and dip! I felt accomplished, yet still bad about it being processed food. I then realized that this is going to be a life change and that kind of food is all around. I have to get used to it someday! A little cheating here and there is only going to help on this life long journey..

I also worked out more today than I have in the past couple of weeks. I uped my cardio, as well as broke out an old DVD I used to do with friends back in the day for a work out. It was fun, but kicked my a$$! I then realized how out of shape I had really let myself get! Jeeeeez! lol. Oh well, it is a process yet again....

Rachel Janelle

You Raise Me Up.

Ever get discouraged? I do...OFTEN.. I think a lot of my problem is that I expect to much out of people as well as myself. When I don't get the results I want quickly, I freak out and give up. I can't help that I am impulsive, so I am trying to be better at it.

Today was kinda blah.. Woke up still feeling a little rocky, but did O.K. on the eating part. I had a 6' sub sandwitch today which kinda made me feel super full since all I had been eating was holistic foods. Oh well, you have to shake it up a little sometimes right?

Still haven't weighed.. I kind of want to, but at the same time I am scared to. My clothes only feel slightly different, and I REALLY want to stay away from that discouraged feeling...who knows..maybe I'll sneak a peak Friday..

The Scale...

One of my biggest fears is the scale. When I developed my eating disorder a few years ago, the scale was both my best friend AND my mortal enemy! I would weight myself every single day, sometimes more than once. When I wouldn't see weight coming off quickly (which you don't in one freaking day) I would purge... It was such a horrible time for me. Instead of focusing on the fact I was feeling better, I was worried about that number...

This time around I do not even own a scale. I haven't weighed myself at all since starting this new way of life. I am scared to even be near one to be honest. I feel like I may have lost a little, but overall I do not even want to see the numbers. Not only are they gross to beging with, but I do not want to be sick again. I was soooo caught up in bulemia and anorexia that I almost died.. I probably SHOULD have died to tell you the truth, but something kept me here!

I'm hoping to get over this sickness soon. I have felt completely ill for about 3 days now. I don't think it's my body adjusting because I've been on the plan over a week, but something is wrong. Maybe I'm not eating enough? Who knows....

The Window To My Heart...

Should NOT be my stomach!!! Ugh! I woke up this morning starving. All I wanted was a fat juicy cheeseburger from somewhere. Problem was, not only am I broke and dieting, but I also woke up pretty ill as well... As you know, when you are sick to your stomach, eating is usually the LAST thing on your mind... In my case, even though I was sick, I STILL wanted that damn burger..... Oh well. I overcame the craving and had a smoothie instead. *sigh* I wish this process would hurry up and be over with!

My husband can be uber supportive of me, as well as bring me down with out knowing it. There was a steak commercial on T.V. and I had to look away. He basically told me if I didn't even have the will power to watch a commercial, then there is NO HOPE for me... sad..:( I mean of course I'm not going to go into convulsions over a freaking commercial, but I don't wanna look at the temtation all the same! Hmmm... maybe there is something wrong with me...Either way, it is what it is..

That's all I have for tonight.. In closing, I leave you with a tribute..

Oh The Challenge...

So today is the first day in almost a week that I have felt weak in everything that I am doing. All I want to do is grab something unhealthy to eat! Isn't that strange? This is such an addiction. The bad thing about this addiction, is that you can't just quit cold turkey like with most. You NEED food to live... Man, insanity..

The thing is, I've done this before. I lost nearly 100 lbs when I was in my late teens. I started out doing seriously well...I was eating healthy, working out everyday...the problem was that I got bored. The weight was coming off, but not fast enough for a teenager who had school starting back up in a few months. I started practicing bulemia and anorexia nervosa. I was literally only eating a cracker or two, and then vomitting it back up. This went on for like 2 months. I ended up losing nearly 100 lbs, but I also lost an organ because of it. I had to have my gall bladder removed, and the doctor told me if I kept it up, I would lose more. This scared me bad. So bad that I started eating everything in sight again. In about 5-6 months time, I had gained back all the weight I had lost. My body was like a starved animal. Everything I ate got absorbed and stored. I was so stupid...

The worst part was, I wasn't NEAR as big as I am now. Since that time, I have gained nearly 200 lbs with eating and having babies. *sigh* it looks like such an unattainable goal....

I need to just keep my head straight. Even though it looks like a huge obstacle, I thought the same thing when I was younger... I can do this. If I stop it now, I will live. I am going to tell myself that there will be other times I can enjoy a meal of my choice, just not right now. I have to do this to LIVE the way I am meant to... Just wish there wasn't food everywhere I turned...

Rachel Janelle

O Come All Ye Faithful....Or Crazy....

So what's with the temptation thing? I have all the motivation in the world to eat right, but the second someone next to me is eating crispy chicken and bacon I go into hunger mode! So not right!!! LOL. Actually, it isn't as bad of a situation as you think it would be, because ultimately it is up to ME and ME only to choose my path. Through out my life there are going to be temptations. The better I learn to deal with them now, the better off I will be in the end.... even still, MAN that chicken/bacon mix sounds good....:P

Today was an O.K. day. I woke up and had a couple whole wheat crackers with turkey, and then had a salad for lunch. The salad was grilled chicken, onions, and some fat free Italian dressing. Yum. Definitely filled me up! For a snack I'm going to have a Slim-Fast snack bar, which by the way, are TINY AS HELL! When I bought them, they looked decentely big and satisfying....alas, I...WAS....WRONG! It's like a single bite and no more... *note to self.... do not waste money on these again*

Today is my 'Friday' at work, so I'm hoping to get some much needed activity on my 3 days off. Wednesday I have a doc appt in Tulsa, so I'm sure that day will be filled full of events AND food that I want......blah! I'm thinking that in the morning after work and some sleep, I will take the kids to the track to burn off some energy... Could be fun right? Hopefully....I need to get out some of the stress from bills and home that I havae been feeling. Hopefully a good walk will cure that! Here's to health!

Straight through Sunday blues....

So it's day 1 of changing my life around. For about the past week I have been uberly excited about embarking on this new way of eating and life, but as the days went on I lost vigor, so now i'm just gonna jump on in! The reason for not starting when I was ready, was because I was told to wait until I had an appointment with this health clinic down town. As the days went on, I grew less and less excited, so I decided to just go ahead and take the reigns myself! It isn't a bad thing for just going ahead and doing it, I just won't be counted at my starting weight and stuff. To be honest, it shouldn't matter what it says on the doctors file, because ultimatley it's about ME bettering myself... and so I start...

After I got off work this morning at 6:30am, I went straight to Wal-Mart and bought some Slim-Fast, some salad mix, baby carrots, and apple packs! When I work up later on, I had a Slim-Fast and an apple pack for my 'breakfast.' Not quite as filling as I would like, but it did it's job I guess. Now I am sitting at work waiting for my lunch! LOL. I guess that is the worst part about detoxing...you are ALWAYS thinking about when you can eat again, even if it's minimal. Oh well, I HAVE to do this this time around...

I have always been comfortable with my personality, and even my looks most of the time, but my weight is finally starting to take it's toll on my heart. I feel like I look horrible, and no matter what I do, nothing can hide this hideous body under the clothes. Even though my blood work up and stuff was perfect, I still feel like I can't do this anymore. I NEED this change to finally be 'me'....

And so it began...

So I have finally broken down and started a blog! I'm sure no one will read it, but hey? You never know right? There are so many things about me that people will never know. I just hope that they won't hold it against me. I'm going to try to paint a picture of my life on here, but it may take a little more than 'work place boredom' to do so! If you guys do decide to read my posts, feel free to comment. Some of the things I say may offend you, and others might make you stop and think. Just remember that this is MY blog, and I am a very 'unedited' type of person. lol! Have fun, and enjoy learning about me!

Rachel Janelle